Self Love: The amount of love we are ready to receive is directly proportional to the amount of self-love that we have!
Being the month of love, February has all of us entangled in its fingers, right? Planning to fall in love, sustaining that love, proposing for love, gifting for love, finding self-love if you are single and spiritual- all things love. So much about self love but somewhere, not knowing that the amount of love we have for ourselves is exactly the love we are ready to receive in our lives!
Difficult much? How can we not receive love if we do not love ourselves? And for that matter, why do we not love ourselves? We do, don't we? Let me share an example, Priya has been in a relationship for a while, and she finds herself screaming at her boyfriend time and again because she feels he behaves in a way he must not. He is caring; he lets her be, he doesn't mind her taking out time for herself. Then what is wrong? Priya feels he is too diplomatic, doesn't express, doesn't say things, and to everyone around, she is the bad one. She feels he does it knowingly to make her look bad! Oops. Priya comes from childhood trauma, and her attachment style is anxious attachment.
Secure attachment is when a child is brought up in a calm, responsive, loving environment; that is, they were catered to when they cried, howled, or wanted their caretaker to be around them. Secure attachment makes the kid secure and safe in their environment and themselves. However, anxious attachment is when a child perceives that his or her needs are not met, the child is not able to build a secure and stable bond with the caregivers. And that is what stays, this feeling. This child is scared and doubtful. They aren't sure when their caregivers will be around them. They feel they need to always try to bring the caregiver's attention towards them, and if there is no drama in their relationship, it means it's dead!
The first relationship of a child is with its mother. Mother is the first caregiver and the first attachment to the child. There has been no mother and the baby separately for years. There is only a mother and her heart field. The baby learns to listen to their mother's heartbeat even before learning their own. Imagine this attachment going anxious. Imagine this love that would turn into self-love going wrong!
There is, and there will be no other love that the child could receive if this initial self-love is hampered. This is what Priya was going through, and this is why she would not be able to receive it. What do we do in those situations? First, acknowledging without blame or judgment. We do not say who is right or wrong; instead, we try to find and connect that inner lost child in us. I have, time and again, made people connect with their mother's heartbeat during a regression session. It is when people find that love they know what self-love is and then may go ahead towards attracting more of it. And no, we do not blame the parents/mother. She did what she knew she could. Changing the lens and seeing your mother as just another human being having her own inner child issues shifts your attention from being a victim to someone concentrated on their own healing!
So this valentines day, connect to your innermost smallest part and find that inner love that you felt the first time your mother held you. Find that love that you felt the first time your mother fed you or played with you. The first time, when you cried, and your mother picked you up and told you that it was okay. Find that love, spread it across your body, write about it, feel it completely and then look at yourself in the mirror and tell me what you see now. Do you love yourself enough to receive love from everyone around you now?
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